This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
