Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
