I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When are your genitals available?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
