three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
