And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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