How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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