I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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