so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
