there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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