I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
