Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
