oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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