you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
