they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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