Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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