i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
