so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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