I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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