Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think i just lost a toe
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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