Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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