She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
