i think my tv is drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
