If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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