A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
