Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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