keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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