I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
