I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
