Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
