Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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