Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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