Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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