I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
