just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
