Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
