Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
