i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
