Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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