he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
