I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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