What a fucking waste of an outfit
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
