Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
