i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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