What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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