im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
