Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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