Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
