every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
