Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
