I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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