So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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