why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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