Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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