I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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