We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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